Misconceptions
by misstarana
Summary: Alan's thoughts about the relationship with his sons after meeting a friend from the past. COMPLETE


MISCONCEPTIONS

Alan Eppes walked quickly into the restaurant. He was both pleased and surprised to have got the phone message from his old work colleague. They'd been friends for many years until Hank had moved to Boston. Time had passed and contact had been lost, so the recent phone call had come out of the blue. But Alan was a friendly and sociable man and had happily agreed to drinks while Hank was in town briefly. He thought it would be good to catch up with a face from the past.

"Hi Alan," the same gravelly voice, Alan thought as he reached out to shake his hand.

"Hank! How are you?" The voice may be the same but Alan noticed that Hank's once brown hair had lightened and thinned considerably. He sat down happily, noticing also that Hank was looking quite haggard and tired. He wondered whether his friend thought the same of him but shrugged it off. A great deal of time had lapsed, in fact it was nearly 15 years, and it was inevitable they'd both be showing signs of the passage of time.

"Boston is cold but I've been pretty happy out there. The family settled down well and I never regretted the move. But I missed you, my old friend!" Hank grinned as he spoke. "I must say there's a bit more of you these days, although a lot less hair!"

"Well, how long has it been? My boys were at college, I think..." Alan tried to recall the last time they'd seen each other, but the years had merged.

"Yeah, and Margaret was still alive. I was really sorry to hear about her, Alan." Hank's voice was sincere. "She was a terrific lady."

Alan shrugged sadly. "It was, and is, pretty tough. I still can't quite believe she's gone and that I'll never see her again. But at least her pain is over." Alan sighed as he remembered his last minutes with his beloved wife.

"How's that son of yours doing? He was destined for great things!" Hank claimed enthusiastically.

"Both my boys are doing well. If anything good came from Margaret's illness, then Donnie's return was it." Alan grinned as he spoke. Truly he was grateful for Don's return home and the growing closeness between his sons.

"Donnie?" Hank asked. "Oh, that's right, he joined the feds, didn't he." Hank was slightly dismissive in his attitude. "I meant your genius son. I always envied you having such a gifted young man."

Alan was startled. "Charlie's fine, he's a professor at CalSci, and still immersed in his numbers world. But Donnie..."

"He's a fed. What can you say about him? It must have been a great disappointment to you that he not only wasn't the star that Charlie was, but that he actually went and joined the FBI." Hank spoke carelessly, oblivious of the effect he was having on Alan.

Alan listened to the thoughtless words with growing anger. How could anyone think he was disappointed in Don. Sure his choice of career wasn't one he would have preferred him to make, but in no way whatsoever did it mean he was disappointed. He thought of his tall, handsome son. So very independent, and certainly this was due to his upbringing and the time they'd had to devote to the more needy Charlie. If there was any disappointment to be felt, it was not towards Don, and never could be. It was more directed towards himself, and how he'd allowed his son to become so self-reliant and to always put his brother's needs first from such a young age. It had forced Don to grow up too fast and they all had paid a price for this.

"I'm not disappointed in Don. He's a fine man, with a strong sense of self and..." Alan protested.

"Come on, Alan, you're one of the original hippies! You can't tell me you're not upset that your oldest boy became establishment. Especially when your youngest son is so very gifted," Hank seemed genuinely puzzled by Alan's reaction.

Alan was too stunned to respond immediately. He certainly held serious misgivings towards his oldest son's choice of career, but it stemmed from constant worry and the knowledge that the day could come when Donnie wouldn't come home. His son also had to face unspeakable horrors in his job, and as a father he deplored that. He also held grave concerns about the level of stress and strain that Donnie endured but he didn't feel disappointment in him, and wasn't upset that he'd become a Government official. Was he? Alan found his throat was suddenly dry.

"Of course it couldn't have been easy for you bringing up a genius and I guess Don had to find his own way in the world," Hank continued to muse. "It was a pretty good slap in your face that he found the path he did."

Alan forced himself to speak. "Margaret was a lawyer....it's not so alien that our son would join law enforcement..." but he found he couldn't continue.

With a few thoughtless words, Hank had brought Alan to a halt. All of his confusion and conflicting emotions from the past were coming forward in a rush.

"It wasn't easy with Charlie, and we made mistakes there, and I know we made mistakes with Don. But he's an honourable man who does what he wants. He looks at things differently to me, but our basic ethics and belief system are the same." The last statement Alan believed with all of his heart. He knew they went about things differently, but the basics that made a person who they were...his son was a son to be proud of.

"I'm sorry, Alan, I guess I find it hard to understand how the old hippy Alan can be happy that his son is a federal agent. All those demonstrations that you attend, the protests....I never thought you'd...." Hank's voice trailled off. He was becoming aware of Alan's discomfort.

"Never thought I'd what, Hank...He's my son, and I love him dearly. I love Charlie too," Alan stated firmly. "You've got kids, you know you just love them whatever they do. Through whatever trouble they find, you just do...." Alan was at a loss as to what to say. He wasn't used to having to verbalise his feelings and Margaret, his wife, had been so much better at it than he was. But it was strangely important to him that Hank should understand how very important both his boys were to him. He was painfully aware of the mistakes he'd made with Donnie, but the mistakes had never occurred because of lack of love. There were so many factors involved. Donnie from a very young age had been independent and when Charlie came along, and it became apparent that he had special gifts, it had been too easy to believe that Donnie didn't need them as much as Charlie did. But it never had meant he loved Donnie less. He had assumed that Donnie understood this, especially now, but with the emotions from the past rapidly rising in him, Alan felt the strong need to reach out to him.

"Of course we love them. I love all three of my kids, but I am disappointed in my youngest, Pete. He's an artistic sort and he seems to think he can drift through life doing what he wants. The strange thing is that he gets away with it," Hank stared out the window as he allowed his thoughts to gather. "He just doesn't see the need to work, whereas Alex is a very hardworking young man and he's very ambitious. Sally, of course, is a girl and so it doesn't matter so much what she does before she gets married...." Hank stopped as Alan snorted with laughter.

"Hank, let's face it, my friend, you're very old-fashioned. I guess I am too, but I don't think I'd ever say anything like that. You say you're disappointed with Pete, but I bet you'd still bail him out if he got into trouble. He's your son," Alan said confidently but his confidence was shaken as Hank shook his head.

"I've washed my hands off Peter. I haven't seen him for about five years and until he sorts out his life then I don't want to. I suppose the advantage you've got with Don, is that he does have a job!" Hank made the word job sound almost like an insult.

Alan was shocked. How anyone could wash their hands off their children was something he simply couldn't get his mind around. The silence became uncomfortable as Alan grappled with his emotions and Hank at last realised how far the conversation had veered off course and had become uncomfortable. He felt no compunction about what he'd said about his own son, but he could see that Alan wasn't agreeing with him. But he tried to continue.

"Charlie is a son to be proud of. He's such a gifted young man...." He stopped as Alan thumped the table in a rare flash of temper.

"Yes, Hank he is, but I refuse to listen to you saying how great he is, and making it seem like Don is a waste of space. Both my boys have grown into fine men, and men I'm very proud of. It's up to you if you want to discard one of your kids because they don't fit your idea of what he should be, but I will never do that. Do you have any idea what Don has to face every day? How much responsibility he has to accept?" But Alan gave up. He could see that Hank wasn't listening and suddenly it wasn't so important what he thought. Did it really matter what anyone thought? Anyone outside the family that is. Suddenly feeling the strong urge to go see his oldest son, he stood up. He had things he had to say to him and it was very important that he do. "I'm sorry, Hank, but I just remembered that I have to be somewhere...."

Hank was stunned as Alan left. His old friend and colleague had changed, or life had changed him. He shook his head as he finished his drink.

Alan was feeling quite anxious as he left the bar and he reached into his pocket to grab his cellphone. For once he had remembered to carry it, and he was grateful as he hit the speed dial.

"Hey, dad, what's up?" He was inordinately relieved to hear Don's voice.

"Just wondering if you were home as I'm in the neighbourhood..." Alan was a bit nervous but felt very strongly that he needed to see his son.

"Yeah, just wrapped up a big case so am actually heading home now. Will be there in ten....see you then!"

"See you then," Alan felt happy and relieved as the call finished. It was time to make sure that no misconceptions were still in place.


End file.
